On a summer night in 2017, I stayed over at a close friend’s house in Copenhagen after a late meeting as I had done before. In the middle of the night, I awoke to find a man climbing into my bed. He put his arm around my throat and then climbed on top of me. Pinning me roughly to the mattress, he raped me. That man was my friend.
We had known each other for several years, since I was in my early thirties, and I trusted him. Sometimes if I was in Copenhagen, I would stay at friends’ houses to save myself the 160-mile drive back to my home in Jutland just as I did a year and a half ago. That night changed my life.
The next day I was in shock.
It took me a whole day to even say the word “rape.” Instead I found myself using the word “accident,” and in many ways the sensation at the time was not that dissimilar to the disorientation one feels after having been involved in a violent car crash. And the trauma does not go away.
Sadly, my experience of rape is not uncommon. Paradoxically, ..